Ramblings of Silver Blue


24 Jul

Inside, I’m laughing

A dear friend cornered me today, complimented me on my weight loss, wanted to know my secret, and then told me something about myself that I really hadn’t considered.

Before each major, life changing event in my life, I’ve lost weight.

Lots of it.

Enough to make up an entire person.

From when I went to College in 1987 weighing 165 and coming back from Spain in 1988 (still suffering from an eating disorder) weighing in at a shocking 138.

From 190 to 150 after exiting my former employment and moving in the next direction in 1993.

From 230 to 185 when an LTR collapsed into ruins in 2000.

Now, in 2007, from 270 to whatever I will be (currently 215), as I redefine, redesign, and realign myself.

It disturbs me that that higher number gets larger and larger before I do something about it.

The important thing is that I have been able to make this journey — inspired this time by a driving force on this inside — this happened long before any outside “seeds” could be planted to encourage me along the way. I’m tackling life on my terms, but not without help.

You all know who you are. I’m in the process of acknowledging each of you, privately; as I told someone today, “Thank you, for always being there for me, for all the things you do that you think i don’ t notice. For being yourself. I’ve gone too long without letting you know how much you mean to me in all you say, even in brutal honesty, when I’m too stubborn, blind and stupid to appreciate it.”

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