Ramblings of Silver Blue


12 Jan 08

Blog Closed, Archives Reopened.

The Ramblings of Silver Blue are history, as are the New Ramblings of Silver Blue at this site.

Thanks for the company over the years.

Just remember: not everything you read in these pages was as it seemed. I’m basically opening the archives back up because of the number of people who have been polite enough to email me regarding the humourous photos I used to have.

Silver Blue, Over And Out.

22 Sep 07

Music of the Night

“Just Walk Away”
Performed by Celine Dion

I know I never loved this way before
And no one else has loved me more
With you I’ve laughed and cried
I have lived and died
What I wouldn’t do just to be with you

I know I must forget you to go on
I can’t hold back my tears too long
Though life won’t be the same
I’ve got to take the blame
And find the strenght I need
To let you go

Just walk away
Just say goodbye
Don’t turn around now you may see me cry
I mustn’t fall apart
Or show my broken heart
Or the love I feel for you

So walk away
And close the door
And let my life be as it was before
And I’ll never never know
Just how I let you go
But there’s nothing left to say
Just walk away

There’ll never be a moment I’ll regret
I’ve loved you since the day we met
For all the love you gave
And all the love we made
I know I’ve got to find the strength to say

Just walk away
Just say goodbye
Don’t turn around now you may see me cry
I mustn’t fall apart
Or show my broken heart
Or the love I feel for you

So walk away
And close the door
And let my life be as it was before
And I’ll never never know
Just how I let you go
But there’s nothing left to say
Just walk away

Written By: Albert Hammond
Produced By: Steve Lindsey
Music By: Marti Sharron
Published By: 1993 Famous Music

20 Sep 07

Keep me in your thoughts.

I’m homebound for the weekend. Sicker than a dog. I can keep toast and gingerale down. So that’s something.

Still. I’ll use all the positive energy I can get. Please???

18 Sep 07

Once more, with feeling.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

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18 Sep 07

Well, now that I may have a name for it…

maybe I can do something about it.

“Cyclothymia”

As if you all haven’t seen it on the blog, right?

18 Sep 07

Music of the morning.

Sam Harris’ “Don’t Look In My Eyes”, which popped up on my ipod this morning brought back memories from years past, including MRH, who passed away November 1986. I miss you, more than I could have ever told you.

“All my memories are safely packed,
and my dreams are neatly folded away.
I’ve got nothing to show
that I came very close
to a love that might have worked out okay.

All the tables and chairs,
they stand empty and bare,
and there isn’t any sign you were here.
So just walk to the door,
but try not to get too near….

You might look in my eyes,
and see all the pain,
the sadness deep inside.
Don’t look in my eyes,
cos that’s where I keep
the tears that I can’t hide…
and if you just go,
it’ll be alright
I know I’ll get through the night
and I’ll even smile as we say our goodbyes…
just don’t look in my eyes.

All our photographs stored away
and our letters have been burned by the fire…
there is nothing out here
that would make you believe
we had nights of tender love and desire…

if it seems to be brave,
well i like it that way
there is nothing to remind me of you,
so just walk to the door
but be sure whatever you do…

Don’t look in my eyes,
and see all the pain,
the sadness deep inside.
Don’t look in my eyes,
cos that’s where I keep
the tears that I can’t hide…
and if you just go,
it’ll be alright
I know I’ll get through the night
and I’ll even smile as we say our goodbyes…
just don’t look in my eyes.

Please…. don’t look in my eyes.”

17 Sep 07

Your moment of Zen

“The question you must ask yourself isn’t, will you get a Happily-Ever-After? The question you need to ask yourself is, will you be able to live with yourself if you don’t let yourself have a happy-now, and end up having had nothing at all?”

14 Sep 07

With my morning cawfee…™

Blessed.

That’s how I’m feeling today. A complete feeling of serenity, of wholeness, of being transported to a place where I want to be.

It’s not just the coffee making me feel warm and fuzzy.

You all can just wonder about the rest. 🙂

Keep Tink in your thoughts, please, as she goes through a few things this afternoon.

Roxette Bunny™ says MUCH BUNNY-LUV TO YOU ALL! (She’s heard we will be making a trip soon and is ALL excitied…as I am as well.)

More later. I promise.

13 Sep 07

Weight loss progress!

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13 Sep 07

Music of the Morning

I Surrender
Performed by Celine Dion (or Nicki French, as a dance track)
Written by Louis Biancaniello, Sam Watters

There’s so much life I’ve left to live
And this fire is burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I’m in love with you
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I’ll live again with love
And no they can’t take that away from me
And they will see…
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Every night’s getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, babe
I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
Can’t you hear my call
I surrender all
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We’ll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I’ll make you give them all to me
I’ll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I’ll give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
Right now
I’d give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

13 Sep 07

With my morning cawfee…™

So, it’s been a while since we’ve had coffee together. I’ve missed it, folks.

Sure, we may not have been close, but pull up a chair, here, have a cup. I’ll pour and promise not to dump it on your lap.

I’ve got the tele on — I’m sorry, will people please shut the hell up about Britney Spears’ trainwrecky performance? I don’t give a damn that she looked like a gimpy marionette on drugs. Or that she looked like a bad sausage.

So, what’s been going on in your world? What’s new with you? Tell me your fears, hopes, dreams, accomplishments, failures, and let’s get to know each other again. Invite a friend.

Much love to you all. Be kind to one another. Believe in yourself. Most importantly, as I’ve heard frequently recently, “Do something kind for someone else” (even if they don’t know about it).

12 Sep 07

Hate me if you want, Love me if you can.

Title from a song by Toby Keith.

I had originally debated on moving the blog to a new address, allowing this one to sit until I deleted it.

Then I considered: Why? Why would I go and rearrange my life, my hopes, my dreams, my fears… just because I felt something like this blog was holding me back?

The entries here may not always be the most inspirational. They may not be the most uplifting. They may be depressing at times, filled with angst, with my depression, with my feelings, but you know what?

IT’S ALL PART OF THE FABRIC THAT MAKES UP ME.

Hate me if you want, Love me if you can.

I don’t regret anything in my life… especially the times spent that brought me joy and happiness. So what if it didn’t work out? Does that mean I should view everything that didn’t turn out as I wished as a bad thing? No. It’s all a growth experience.

I welcome you all to this journey that I’ve decided to continue on. Add to the conversation or be gone, matters not to me.

To those who have stood by me, through misgivings, misunderstandings, and misconceptions, I thank you.

To those who have played me like a game, I need not remind you that Karma is a cruel bitch will repay you in spades.

Let Ramblings of Silver Blue 5.0 begin. My life is just starting… and I’m creating every page in the book. Expect some scratch-outs, some inserts, some footnotes, and a whole lot of content that may not make sense to you, but does to me.

Just because I post something, unless I direct it at you implicitly, do not assume to presume it has been posted in reference to you. Self censoring has gone by the wayside.

Remember: I didn’t lose my mind. It was mine to give away.**

** No Regrets by Robbie Williams

The most important thing I can say right now is this, somehow appropriate lyric:

Forgive me for the things that I never said to you
Forgive me for not knowing the right words to say to prove
That I will always be devoted to you and me
And if you can’t feel that in my love
Then I’m sorry for not giving you enough

But I’m not sorry for my Love
I’m not sorry for my touch
The way I made your hands tremble and my heart rush
I would do it all again
Wouldn’t take back a thing
‘Cause with you I’ve lived a thousand lives in one
And I could never be
I could never be
Sorry for love

At least, it was what I felt in my heart.

05 Sep 07

When I do decide to blog again

There’s going to be some changes around here. I’m tired of my whining about things.

Coming off a night of zero sleep (long story, but let’s just say that certain incidents bleed over into over events in life, and if this negativity I encountered yesterday has destroyed my chances for happiness by bringing to the forefront suspicion and paranoia [on someone else’s part, which then seemingly took on the appearance of being my own in conversation], which, in all honesty, it appears to, I’m cutting ties with a LOT of people. I have no room for negativity. I have plenty of room for love, honesty, and happiness), I decided to spare myself trying to go through the motions of being chipper and upbeat when, quite honestly, I’m effin depressed this morning.

I’m placing the blog on hiatus. Next time, people… never mind. It won’t matter what I say anyway.

04 Sep 07

The reason I don’t share much of my personal life

…is because some people don’t believe in stepping out on faith.

My soul has been wounded, I’m not going to lie about it.

Have we become a society where we trust no one, have faith in no one, and can take no one at face value?

If we have, count me out. That’s not a world I want to live in.

I have faith. I believe there’s a reason to be cautious, but when that cautiousness crosses the line to paranoia, it’s time to step back and reevaluate.

I realize that was was said to me (on my phone) was done out of caring for me. But the way it was expressed, IMHO, did more harm than good.

With that, know that I love you all, and I’ll post some more tomorrow.

04 Sep 07

Your moment of Zen

dontworry.jpg

04 Sep 07

North/South (Courtesy of Moonglow!)

The North has Bloomingdale’s, The South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: –If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be a long shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their w ay. This is what they live for.

Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store….do not buy food at this store.

Remember, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s” is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing “You ain’t from round here, are ya?”

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can’t understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective “big’ol” truck or big’ol” boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that “He needed killin.” is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey , y’all, watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shot guns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ’em biscuits.

02 Sep 07

Recipe for Success

This is what Tink tinkered with and came up with the uber yummy goodness for today.

Pear Bread

3 cups all purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
3/4 cup vegetable oil
3 eggs
2 cups white sugar
2 1/2 cups peeled, shredded pears
1 cup chopped pecans
2 1/2 teaspoons vanilla bean paste

In a large mixing bowl, combine flower, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon.

In a separate bowl, combine eggs, oil, pears, sugar, pecans, and vanilla. Blend well. Add to dry ingredients. Stir to combine. Spook batter into two greased loaf pans.

Bake at 325 F for 75 minutes or until a tester comes out clean. Allow to cool completely before removing from pan.

02 Sep 07

A Taste of Today

Tink made a wonderful Pear Bread (I’ll post the recipe if anyone’s interested):

pearbread.jpg

Served with the 3D’s: A drizzle of maple syrup, a dusting of powdered sugar, and a dollop of whipped cream.

Tink: YOU ROCK!

31 Aug 07

Words that describe my current state of being.

Happy.

– Moreso than I’ve been in over 20 years.

Frustrated.

– Saffyre needs rear tires. They’re large tires. They ain’t cheap.

Happy.

– Thanks to a friend, I’m able to get the tires (and installation) for less than a third of what the dealership was wanting.

Elated.

– This is a holiday weekend.

Blessed.

– Those who need to know, know why.

I promise I’ll try to write more over the weekend. There are certain things I can’t share, however, as they’re intensely personal to me. Know, however, but I’m not leaving you.

It may just be that Ramblings 5.0 is on the horizon.

27 Aug 07

Your moment of Zen

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27 Aug 07

Music of the Day

Insatiable
Written by Darren Hayes/Walter Afanasieff

When moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves I let it go
We build our church above this street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin I’m stained by you
And all I have to do is hold you
There’s a racing within my heart
and I am barely touching you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words
There’s only truth
Breathe in Breathe out
There is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate our bodies soar
Our feet don’t even touch the floor
But nobody knows you like I do
Cos the world, they doesn’t understand
But I grow stronger in your hands

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

We never sleep we’re always holdin’ hands
Kissin’ for hours talkin’ makin’ plans
I feel like a better man
Just being in the same room
We never sleep there’s just so much to do
Too much to say
Can’t close my eyes when I’m with you
Insatiable the way I’m loving you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

27 Aug 07

I’m trying, I’m really trying

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27 Aug 07

Well, there’s some truth in it.

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27 Aug 07

Deep Thought of the Day

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting”. ~e.e. cummings

26 Aug 07

A strange, but spiritually fulfilling weekend

Yes, I’ve played more games of tennis than I care to count. I’ve bowled so much, I felt like my arm was going to fall off. (New high score: 263!!!)

I found out that Brunswick Bowling was released for the Wii. AMF gets released in November. I enjoy it because it’s exercise that I like, and it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than the lanes (even though I own my own shoes and ball).

I’ve meditated, sent a rambling email, read a number of chapters in Photoshop CS3 books. I’ve sought enlightenment, found contentment, learned I’ve really let go of a lot of negativity. I can’t say I’m closing the door on my past, but you can best bet that it’s not a controlling force in my life any longer. Instead of getting upset or angry, I now feel nothing about those days. They’re behind me. I have experienced them, hopefully I have learned from them, and now it’s time to move beyond them. My meditations have shown me that as long as I try to hold on to the past, I can neither live in the present, nor move into the future.

The future, whatever it holds for me, will be different from the past. As I have broken through the bonds that held me in previous unhealthy relationships, I have decided to “give up”…or better yet, “give in” and quit trying to guide the river. I have to let go, and trust that the universe will provide my needs as long as I am open to receive them.

Scary? Hell yeah. But I feel so emotionally full that I know this can’t be a wrong turn. Everything happens for a purpose.

If you can put it in words, there stands a good chance you’d be able to claim it, too, and turn it into a reality.

Just remember: if it doesn’t work the first, second, or even 50th time, it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed.

It means that you’ve found ways to not achieve what you desire.

Pick yourself up and try again. If you don’t have faith in yourself, how can you honestly expect anyone else to?

That is one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn recently.

Simply to BE.

Simply to LIVE.

Combining the two, with a little help,

and simply to BELIEVE.

Be good to each other….do something nice for someone else… a kind word or something more. You’d be surprised at the effect it could have.

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